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My Fiance isn’t Interested in Wedding Planning: What Do I Do?

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My Fiance isn't Interested in Wedding Planning: What Do I Do?

Dear Star,

My fiance and I just got engaged and I started to plan the big day. However, he’s not as involved in the planning as I’d hoped he’d be. His attitude isn’t negative, but he often says that I’m better at planning than he is and he wouldn’t even know how to be helpful.

How do I make sure I’m not planning this wedding alone?

-Seema O.

Dear Seema,

It can be incredibly frustrating to start arranging such an important day in your life, only to find the other half of that day doesn’t care what color the flowers are or what style of dinner service it is. However, it’s rather common for grooms to feel as though wedding planning is something women do and any opinions they have will be unwelcomed.

Also, that all brides will become bridezillas if they so much as criticize the napkin style for the reception.

But What About the Groom?

Here are some tips on how to make sure your groom is included in the planning without losing your mind.

  • Ask him what he wants at the wedding: Writing a list can be helpful. He might not be envisioning the day as you do, but he could add his own touches and ideas to the ceremony and reception.
  • Give him specific jobs: Often, when men hear the words “let’s plan the wedding together,” they hear white noise. What does planning a wedding mean? What does it entail? How could they meaningfully contribute to the process? Many of them don’t know the answer to any of these questions. So instead of making a vague request, say something like, “Can you research caterers in the area who fit our X dollar budget and can provide X number of meals of X cuisine to our guests?”
  • Tell him you want his thoughts and opinions: Invite his opinion when needed and let him know what you’re there for him to bounce ideas off of anytime he needs to. Sometimes a groom wants permission to weigh in.
  • Find out what he wants to work on and assign him those tasks: Wedding planning can somethings seem boring and calling vendors, looking for the right one, can be tedious. However, if you know he has an interest in the food, or an interest in finding a venue, suggest he takes care of something that sparks his interest.

The Reality of Wedding Planning

Simply put, even if you follow all of the above steps, you still might end up with a groom who’s not interested in the details of wedding planning. If you groom feels that way, it might be time to call in a friend or family member to help with the planning and coordination. Wedding planners can also help brides by taking some of the bulk of the work off their shoulders and helping them to organize everything.

If your feelings are hurt by your groom’s lack of interest, which is perfectly understandable, remember that sharing your wedding day doesn’t have to mean, you’re both on Pinterest for hours and DIYing decor into the early morning. Furthermore, it’s usually rather easy to find assistance planning a wedding.

Don’t Think Of This as a Red Flag… Unless There’s Good Reason To

A groom not becoming absorbed in wedding planning is hardly something to note. However, if there have been other factors that make you doubt your groom’s commitment to you or the wedding, their complete lack of interest in wedding planning might be a symptom.

If you feel as though something is wrong, trust your gut, and have a conversation about it. Keep in mind, this is worst case scenario. It’s much more likely that your groom is simply disinterested in wedding planning. It’s worth mentioning, however, because not all grooms are disinterested in planning simply because they don’t understand color blocks.

Plan Your Wedding with Those You Love

It might be nice to place certain surprises through the wedding day for your future spouse. This wouldn’t be possible if they were involved with every tiny detail. Also, without your groom’s opinions, it can sometimes be easier to plan as the final approval is coming from one person instead of two.

Use your support system around you to help with the planning and find what you need. If it truly becomes too much, consider hiring a wedding planner. This does add an extra expense, but they can be worth their weight in gold when they come through for you on the wedding day.

Above all, happy planning and always remember what the event is for!

-Star

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